The F1 Babelfish – Canada

But what are they really saying?

There’s a very fine line when conducting Formula 1 interviews it seems, especially with team bosses. Today I thought of an idea and now I’m sharing it with you lovely people – what are the interviews really saying? What is it that’s really being hinted at behind all the curtains of the interviewee’s speech? Much like politicians take the very long route around giving a direct response, there are so many in Formula 1 that do the same thing so I thought I’d try this, something a bit different, and see what was really being said this past weekend at the Canadian Grand Prix, starting with a certain blabbermouth that is Martin Whitmarsh…

“I think Lewis is a passionate racing driver and he has to go for those instances, whether you look at it statistically or objectively… He has had an unfortunate run, but I think he will continue to be a very tough racer and I am sure he will have many successes ahead in his career.” – Martin Whitmarsh

Translated: Lewis knows if he doesn’t finish high up he’ll statistically get slapped by Ron Dennis. Maybe he’ll crash his way to victory.

“Ultimately you need results, and the one here was a very respectable one. We did it with Ralf [Schumacher] in DTM too – where he got criticism but now he is delivering good results.” – Norbert Haug

Translated: We told Michael he’s just as bad as Ralf. It worked.

“Look at what happened in the five hours that that grand prix seemed to consume here. There were a lot of mistakes in really difficult conditions, and he should not be too disappointed.” – Christian Horner

Translated: Five bloody hours for him to mess up, and he does it on the final lap. Christ almighty, Seb.

“So to come out with a seventh place, we can’t complain at all.” – Kamui Kobayashi

Translated: I can’t believe I actually managed to make the whole race unscathed.

“Everything went wrong, right from this morning when we saw it was raining” – Fernando Alonso

Translated: Brought my flip flops for no reason. Balls.

“Kobayashi made a mistake at the first corner, Rosberg braked in front of me in response and I collided with him. That broke my front wing so I had to make a stop. After that, I just spun out on the wet.” – Pastor Maldonado

Translated: Just another day at the office for me really, good race that.

“This was a very long and eventful afternoon of racing, where we didn’t realise our potential.” – Vijay Mallyah

Translated: Tell Willi to get that contract ready, Sutil’s going quicker than milk left out in a heatwave.

“Today we achieved our best result in the history of Hispania Racing,” – Colin Kolles

Translated: I’ve never seen any of my cars ever finish in the dizzying heights of 13th, woah.

“I am leaving this race with one eye laughing and one eye crying,” – Michael Schumacher

Translated: I can’t control my bodily functions.

If this is something people like I may make it an every race type of thing but I thought it’d be pretty funny to try something different and give it a go!